The Words from My Father That Helped Us when I became a Brand-New Father

"I believe I was merely in survival mode for twelve months."

Former reality TV personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the challenges of becoming a dad.

Yet the actual experience rapidly proved to be "utterly different" to his expectations.

Serious health issues surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was thrust into becoming her main carer while also taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing every night time, every nappy change… every stroll. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

Following nearly a year he burnt out. It was a conversation with his father, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he needed help.

The simple phrases "You're not in a good spot. You must get assistance. In what way can I help you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and start recovering.

His story is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. While people is now better used to addressing the pressure on mothers and about PND, not enough is spoken about the struggles new fathers encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan thinks his struggles are linked to a larger inability to talk between men, who often internalise harmful perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and stays upright with each wave."

"It isn't a sign of weakness to request help. I failed to do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - most notably in front of a mother and child - but she stresses their mental health is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the chance to request a break - spending a few days overseas, outside of the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He came to see he required a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's feelings alongside the practical tasks of taking care of a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she needed" -holding her hand and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That insight has changed how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the expression of emotional life and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen did not have stable male parenting. Despite having an "incredible" bond with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences caused his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says suppressing emotions resulted in him make "terrible choices" when younger to change how he felt, turning in alcohol and substances as an escape from the pain.

"You turn to things that aren't helpful," he says. "They may briefly alter how you feel, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Managing as a New Father

• Share with someone - if you feel under pressure, confide in a family member, your other half or a professional about your state of mind. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the pursuits that made you feel like the person you were before having a baby. This might be going for a run, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the physical health - nutritious food, staying active and if you can, sleep, all contribute in how your emotional health is coping.
• Spend time with other new dads - hearing about their experiences, the challenges, and also the joys, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Remember that seeking help is not failure - taking care of yourself is the optimal method you can care for your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the loss, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead give the safety and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the frustrations safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men because they acknowledged their struggles, transformed how they communicate, and taught themselves to control themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I said, on occasion I think my job is to teach and advise you what to do, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding just as much as you are through this experience."